My Battle with … PERFECTIONISM … It’s Cause, its Curse and Cure
My upbringing, by and large was deliriously happy. Good parents, no, wonderful parents. Warm, encouraging, disciplinary without any kind of overbearing or unattainable demands. They were, in their early and mid forties when I was born, my Brother, born fourteen years before I was, had to endure the privations of the Great Depression and the Second World War. For me, born in 1945 there was a noticeable change in the western nations of the world, money was “tight” but not scarce.
In their maturing years my parents lived a happy, wholesome and positive life, and that was deliberately passed on to me, A Life to be “enjoyed” not merely “endured”. The finest of things may not always be within our grasp, but there is no need to settle for a shallow, brassy, “cheap and nasty” existence, was conveyed to me.
Life as I desired it and worked towards it, would need careful, progressive steps for those aspirations and desires to be fulfilled. My entrance in to the World of the Arts and Entertainment came early for me, within four years of beginning to learn the piano, I was performing in all kinds of talent quests and then on a weekly TV show. However, it was evident that to achieve, or, survive in this chosen world of “splendour and promise”, one had to be dedicated, diligent and consistently so.
We were trained to believe that mediocrity and laxity were the poisoned “potions of death” to any hope of a successful career. In the 1950’s we went “Live”, never recorded, so make a mistake, and the whole world knew … my battles came with struggling to always be “word perfect”, pitch perfect, note perfect. Sadly, my school work suffered because of being constantly whisked off to studios and concert halls, sometimes to the annoyance of conscientious teachers and school staff who were reluctant to take on my vivacious but very determined “stage mother”. She was committed to see her son be a Star.
When exams came around … for a variety of reasons, the results were very disappointing to my intelligent Father, not realising that the inroads into a normal education were due to this constancy of being pulled from classes to be at rehearsals, etc. So the desire for perfection in schooling was abandoned and that focus was redirected to the theatre … “no man (boy) can serve two Masters” … Arts, an “ illustrious” career or normal academic success … one had to yield to the other … if there was to be a choice, Mother, my music Teacher and somehow, I too, made the choice … the Theatre was the goal.
Conscientious-ness is a Virtue … Condemnation because of perfectionism is not a virtue, it is a prison and a paralysis to the fulfilment of desires and potential plans … “if it’s not “perfect” “it’s not worth doing” is a warped concept, rather than … let’s do it, and where there are flaws … let’s modify, adjust, “re-do” them.
What is the root of perfectionism … Upbringing, perceptions, legalism, dominating influences (parental, scholastic, governmental, political, cultural), self hatred or mistrust, the need to be valued … wanted, (many seek to build a facade, an “imitation of Life”, the “life” of our own manufacturing for own self esteem and the esteem of others … chasing titles, glamour, style to impress … forfeiting our moral values to earn that worth we seek from others.
To receive admiration, from others, we think within our own carnal mind, Perfectionism is the answer … why? … Because we’re sure that no one will like us, value us, if we’re not perfect … the insanity of facelifts, tattooing, body sculpturing, glamourising and sometimes lying to impress are symptoms of perfectionism.
What are the fruits of perfectionism … paralysis of the will, perpetual disappointment which leads to anxiety and depression, a critical disposition towards oneself or others, judgmental attitudes and strong negativity.
What is the end result of perfectionism … barrenness, emptiness, disillusion, defeat, inferiority and shame.
What is the answer and solution to combating perfectionism … A clear understanding of the Word of God, a balanced and penetrating and evaluating look at this perfectionism; understanding its origins and looking at the trail of disasters that have accrued as a result … Discerning the mystical activity of The Enemy and his diabolical strategy to undermine, oppose and frustrate God’s Plan in your life.
Get with balanced, Bible literate and mature believers who are not lax but know the balance between total commitment, diligence, thoroughness, dedication and reliance on the Grace of God … and are not “spooked” by momentary failures.
God doesn’t require perfectionism … but Godly “perfectness” … let’s define Biblical Perfectness … Hebrews 6;1 the “perfection” is of maturity … a well rounded, balanced depth, understanding and a walk based on Biblical Intelligence. The admonition is to “walk in Truth” and “understanding” not flashes of inspiration … but revelation of the “whole counsel of God” Acts 20;27
It’s so easy to become paralysed with unrealistic goals and demands on yourself or to take on the obligations of others and to please others with a disregard for reality.
Creativity to be properly expressed and fulfilled needs diligence, it’s true, there is no doubt about that, but it’s got to be balanced by reality and guided by mentors of sensitivity and sensibility. Don’t be a slave to an unrealistic and unachievable ideal … that will bring anxiety, born of frustration and end in depression and personal defeat.
A God given Vision will always have achievable steps and when accomplished will bring great satisfaction and pleasure. Our Vision and goal, leads us not drives us and we need never lose our peace, which is always a sign we’ve overstepped reality and begun to strive.